


It's a Long Way Down

by cardinalwrites



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: 13x03, Angst, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, is real, spn coda, the pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-23 20:40:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12516108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardinalwrites/pseuds/cardinalwrites
Summary: 13x03 Coda to Patience





	It's a Long Way Down

“I-I’m not over it, Dean. Of course not,” Sam whispered in an attempt to calm Dean’s increasingly rising voice. That didn’t help the threat of Dean’s throat closing in tears, however.

“No, no, of course, you’re not over it,” He deflected. “You’re throwing it into this kid and projecting yourself onto him because you’re zeroed in on getting Mom’s body back! Meanwhile, I’m––” Dean stopped, a motion in the background catching his attention. 

It was a pencil, one of Sam’s that he uses to write in the books because they don’t destroy the letters so much. It simply floated in the air, no supports or strings holding it up.

“I’m…” Dean trailed off as the pencil began to move towards the opening that led to the hallway. Sam and he alike turned in tandem to the pencil until it turned the corner and stopped in plain sight, Jack emerging just ahead of the pencil, his eyes glowing.

“Shit,” Sam cursed. “You heard Dean.”

“Castiel,” Jack spoke, his eyes trained on the older Winchester. “He is more than an angel or a friend to you.” He was not speaking to Sam.

Dean felt his shoulders tense more, something he did not think was possible with how much death he’d endured in the last 5 days alone. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, I do, Dean,” Jack said evenly. “I…You know how I said Castiel was my father?”

“Yeah?”

“He told me about you.”

Dean’s expression hardened once more. “What so you telling him about Paradise was a two-way street?”

“Dean!” Sam interjected, an arm casting to get his attention.

“No, Sam!” Dean threw him off. “I’m through with this bull crap and now you––” Dean turned back to Jack, “are telling me that Cas and you are all buddy buddy and he told you about me.” He felt himself scoff, like this was the funniest thing in the world now. Hell, maybe it was at this point. It’s not like he had anything left to care about anymore. “Next thing you’re gonna tell me is that he’s out in Fiji taking a vacation––”

“You didn’t let me finish,” Jack started again. “He and I––we never spoke, but that does not mean I do not know you and he meant more.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Dean… you hate me. I know you do, no matter what Sam says, I know that now more because of what I overheard,” Jack downcast his eyes, now no longer the orange they were when they began. “I understand why, now.”

“Yeah, and why’s that?” Dean knew he was being an ass. And hell, “freak” or not, maybe Sam did have some point of truth somewhere in the things he had been trying to get Dean to see, but the thing is Dean was done with caring. He just lost Missouri and he couldn’t even feel more than he knew he should feel, even for him. 

“I… killed him, but it wasn’t just that.”

“No, Jack,” Sam piped in again.

“No, Sam, but I did,” Jack added, sadness forming around his features like a kicked dog. “I killed him. I killed my father… but I also killed Dean’s love, and if it was anything like my mom’s love in those videos then… then I know it is unforgivable.” Jack looked down, his voice almost breaking towards the end.

The room remained silent, the gravity of Jack’s words sinking in as Dean surveyed the boy in front of him. Because that’s what he was… a boy and a Nephilim and a kid…

Those words, though… they felt like time slowing down and then speeding up all at once, like knives digging into his flesh and skinning him alive. 

The hours upon hours of pain and pent-up grief. 

Watching the knife plunge through his heart.

Seeing the wings scorched into the very earth he once stood on.

The late nights before all of that ever came to pass.

It was too much. Everything was too much.

Dean was gone almost instantly. He needed to get out and away from the two of them. He needed to be alone.

Because it was true.

Cas was gone, and Dean was not over it. How could he be?

He’s lost a lot of things in his life. His childhood; his patience; his parents; his brother; his hope; but one thing he hadn’t lost up until that point was the one thing that had kept him going.

But then he lost his love.

The door to his room slammed before he finally broke down.


End file.
